When listening matters more than fixing
Learn why listening to your child matters more than fixing, and how empathy, patience, and presence can build trust and deeper connection.
She came home upset after something happened with a friend. You listened for a short while because you care about her. It’s hard to see her hurting; you quickly tried to help: you pointed out what the friend did wrong, suggested what she could do next time, offered to call the other parent, reminded her she has other friends, and said this probably wouldn’t matter in a week.
She went quiet. Not the relieved quiet of someone who’s been helped, but the particular quiet of someone who has just closed a door.
You did what you thought was right, but it didn’t help because she wasn’t looking for answers. She wanted to be heard. Offering solutions, even with good intentions, sent a message she didn’t expect: that her feelings were a problem to fix instead of something you could simply listen to.